Criminal Minds Mini Stories
by LittleWolf221
Summary: Okay, so these are random funny made up stories that are thrown together. I do this for boredom, yeah. I get bored a lot. VERY OUT OF CHARACTER AT TIMES! Hotch may turn into a cow man...
1. Hotch is a CowMan

Reid walked into the BAU as any other day, he was early of course and went to get some coffee. He stepped back into the bullpen to see what would surprise anyone. Hotch was standing on Morgan's table dancing. Dancing like no one has ever seen. He had a cowboy hat on and a whip in his other hand.

"I'M A AWESOME COWMAN!" Hotch yelled as he tried to do the electric slid.

"Hotch?" Reid asked in shock.

"Join me!" Hotch said happily.

"Uh.. hotch? You feeling okay?" Reid asked nervously.

"I'M FINE REID! I AM A COWMAN!" Hotch yelled again as he tried to lasso a chair.

"It's pronounced, Cow boy..." Reid said reluctantly.

"No, it's cowman.." Hotch said quietly but a little seriously.

"Cow. Boy." Reid replied a bit annoyed.

"COW MAN!" Hotch screamed.

"LISTEN! IF YOU WANT TO BE A RETARD GO AHEAD! BUT IT'S COWBOY!" Reid fumed and stormed out of the room.

"Who needs you? I can be a cowman on my own." Hotch said to himself as he pushed himself around the bullpen on the chair.

~CM~

It wasn't long before everyone on the team, excluding Reid, was standing in the bullpen staring at Hotch. He was passed out on Reids desk hugging a teddy.

"What happened to him?" Morgan asked dazed.

Reid just happened to walk in and saw where Hotch was. Annoyed Reid walked up with a news paper in hand. He stormed up to Hotch and smacked him across the face with the newspaper.

"Get out of my seat, cow, BOY!" He shouted clearly pissed off.

"IT'S COW MAN!" Hotch shouted back.

"What the heck is going on?!" Morgan yelled from across the room.

"What's going on?" Reid said extremely irritated. "WHAT'S GOING ON?!"

"Uhh... yeah..." Morgan replied nervously.

"What's going on Morgan, is that.. this... this... THIS DODO HEAD! THINKS IT'S SAID COWMAN! IT'S COWBOY! NOT MAN! BOY!" Reid began to stomp his feet as he yelled the word boy. "BOY! BOY! BOY! BOY! BOOOYY!"

"OKAY! IT'S BOY! But what happened before?!" Morgan asked in more emotions than one.

Garcia was now recording this whole ordeal and everyone was trying to hold back their laughter.

"He was dancing on your table, in a cow BOY hat trying to lasso Emily's chair." Reid replied out of breath.

"Oh, well... that's weird..." Morgan said as he began to walk out of the bullpen.

Everyone but Reid and Hotch left. Reid looked at Hotch and pushed him out of his chair.

"CowBoy." Reid said in a low tone.

"You're on suspension." Hoth snarled back.

"WHAT?! WHY?!" Reid yelled.

"Because it's CowMan." Hotch said as he got up and headed to his office. Leaving Reid to contemplate everything that happened as he packed up his things.

~CM~

Hotch came out at 5pm that evening to find the biggest shock of his life. There was a huge poster in the middle of the bullpen that said. 'COWBOY!'

"This is war." Hotch said in a huff as he destroyed the poster.

**So, y'all like it? I get hyper and I make these things up in my head, lawl. Hope you guys liked it. Tell me what you think, there will be more, lots more.**


	2. White And Nerdy

"_Uhhh, Just a little bit! HA! Just a little bit! Uhhh, Just a little bit, UH! It's what you need!_" Reid sang loudly in his car as he drove to work. "_Feeling the tension, feeling the stress_. I'_ve got emotion that I've gotta confess! Looking sicker when your hair is a mess, tearing the buttons right off your dr-" _Reid stopped singing as he came to a screeching halt at a red light. Reid calmly waited for the light to change color while he hummed to the ending of the song.

"Hey there Reid!" An all to familiar voice called out to him. He turned his head and saw Morgan in the isle next to him. He was in a nice car, which made Reid's Blue Volvo look more shitty. It was perfect timing, just perfect. The song in the car changed to what Reid had always wished for at this time. Reid pulled out the headphones and let the lyrics blast. He was hoping for _**I'm Not Afraid**_to come on by Eminem, but instead Weird Al came on.

"_They see me mowing, my front lawn. I know they're all thinking I'm so white and nerdy. I think I'm just too white and nerdy. I think I'm just too white and nerdy, Can't you see I'm white and nerdy. Look at me I'm white and nerdy! I wa-_" Reids face paled as he muted his Stereo.

Morgan burst out in laughter, as the windows rolled down. He could see Hotch, Rossi, and Emily in the car as well. Completely embarrassed that basically the whole team just witnessed the whole ordeal.

"SHUT UP! I WAS EXPECTING A COOL SONG!" Reid yelled from his car.

"Yeah Reid, that was real cool." Hotch retorted.

"Shut up, cow boy." Reid snorted.

Hotch glared at Reid as he speeded off to work, he just wanted to drink a thousand coffees and get this day done with.


	3. Reid's Headache (Kind of Serious)

Reid was having another one of his intense headaches. He couldn't stand the pain that he was in, he went to get up to leave the bullpen. In the process he tried over his chair.

"Fuck you chair." He murmured to himself as he stood back up.

"Careful there Reid." Morgan cautioned as he watched his younger brother leave the room.

Reid was trying to get to the break room so he could relax, in the process he banged into 5 walls, tripped 20 times and swore more than once. He carefully sat down and looked upwards. He had been hallucinating scary things for some time now so what he saw now really creeped him out.

It was a bunny that sat there a lone and was crying.

"Why are you crying?" Reid asked, shocked that he was talking to his own imagination.

"Because, you hurt yourself." The bunny whispered.

Reid felt... well he didn't know how to feel. Why did he just talk to his own hallucination? Why did it feel bad for him? What the fuck is he doing?!

"Really?" Was all he could say.

"Naaaah, I'm just fucking with ya." The rabbit said and then dissipated.

So yeah, that was his first and last nice... sort of nice hallucination.

**Reid: This is a lot of bull.**

**Me: Shut up Reid, Just shut up.**

**Reid:... Hey Ho- I mean CowBoy.**

**Hotch: I'M GOING TO KILL YOU! -chases after Reid as he runs away-**


	4. Techno

Morgan walked in the bullpen quietly this morning, he didn't know what to think of what he just saw. He was shocked and scared out of his mind.

~FLASHBACK~

Morgan walked into the little kitchen area and got himself a coffee, he went into the bullpen and didn't see Reid. Curious he headed to Hotch's office, he wasn't there either. As he closed the door to Hotch's office he could hear techno music. Morgan cautiously walked towards the music, it was coming from the break room. When he opened the door he couldn't believe what he was seeing. Hotch was doing ballet spins as Reid was doing some sort of twitching/seizure dance.

"What? What are you guys doing?" Morgan asked in caution.

"We. Dance." Reid replied out of breath, he kept doing what ever the fuck dancing you call it.

"I'm a ballerina." Hotch said in a high pitch girl voice.

"What?" Morgan asked again in shock.

"Join us!" Reid yelled as he fell to the floor and flopped around.

"No, no, no." Was all Morgan could stammer out.

Morgan wanted to close the door and scream but he couldn't. Something was making him want to stay and watch. Watch his boss jump from place one to place two as if he was a ballerina. Watch his younger brother have a seizure on the floor, or his attempt at the worm. He stuck to it being a seizure. They were sweating like crazy and the music kept going. A good ten minutes had passed by and Morgan still stood there in shock watching them dance.

"Let's start to pump pump! Come on shake your rump rump!" The song blasted out. Hotch bent over and shook his butt in the air.

Morgan couldn't believe what he was watching his boss do, he actually dropped his coffee which landed on Reid. Reid didn't seem to notice since he was making snow angels as fast as he could on the floor. Morgan had enough of what he was seeing and slowly closed the door and slowly walked back to his desk. Shocked of what he had just witnessed.


	5. Hotch you just ruined her day

Emily skipped into the BAU early on that Tuesday morning happy of what the day might bring.

"Emily, you're a fag!" Hotch yelled from his office door.

Emily's heart sank as she sat down in her desk and started to cry.

~CM~

Later that morning they were in the Conference room talking about a soon to be case.

"Well looks like the guy strangles his victims to death." Emily said as a conclusion sentence.

"I'll strangle you if you don't shut up." Hotch said in anger as he death glared at Emily.

Emily frowned at what he boss had just said to her and lowered her head in sadness.

~CM~

On the jet everyone talked about the case as Emily tried not to say anything.

"Hey Emily, how are you?" Hotch asked in a calm voice as he sat down beside her.

"Oh, I'm good." Emily said happy that he was talking to her first.

"That's no good, we should change that." Hotch said.

"What do you mean?" Emily replied confused.

"You suck." Hotch said as he got up and walked away.


	6. Not again

Morgan walked into the bullpen room that morning (what ever morning you want) and stared blankly at the random person in the middle of the bullpen. It was a girl, about the age of 15 head banging to techno.

"NO! GET OUT! NOT AGAIN!" Morgan yelled in fury.

"What?" The girl retorted.

Just then Reid walked in, well moonwalked into the bullpen.

"I HEAR MUSIC!" Reid sang happily.

"NO! YOU DON'T!" Morgan yelled. He grabbed the girls MP3 and chucked it out the window then sat in his desk in anger.

"Morgan, why did you do that?" Reid asked sadly.

"I saw you and Hotch dancing last time." Morgan said blankly.

"I remember that, why didn't you join us?" Reid said sadly.

"BECAUSE YOU WERE HAVING A SEIZURE AND HOTCH WAS ACTING LIKE A HORNY SCHOOL GIRL!" Morgan yelled in anger.

"Morgan, you have suspension. I was NOT a horny school girl. I was an ANIME horny school girl!" Hotch yelled from his office door.

"What?!" Morgan asked in shock. He glanced at Reid who just had his eye brows raised and was shaking his head in a yes manor. "Fuck you." Morgan said as he stormed out of the bullpen. He could hear the music start up again, and was glad that he didn't have to witness it again.

"YEAH! YOU GO HOTCH!" Spencer yelled as he did the wave, he kept failing at it. Since he was sitting in his desk and kept smaking his head into the desk. He didn't care though he was having fun. :D


	7. Reid and Beethoven RAP

**This is based off of when Reid said that Beethoven is good to listen to since there is no guilt by association.**

****"That's why I listen to beethoven, there's no guilt by association." Reid said calmly.

"W- Yeah?" Emily said amused. "Have you ever seen the clock work orange?" Emily asked.

Reid shook his head 'no' since he never really had the time to see anything. Everyone laughed at him, Reid was confused on why everyone was laughing but shrugged it off.

~CM~

Reid walked into his apartment tired and exhausted from the case when he heard a yelling. It soon became recognizable after some time.

"Ludwig Van Beethoven!" A mysterious voice yelled. Reid turned around confused, only for the confusion to turn into horror and shock. There, standing in his living room was the one and only Beethoven.

"Sit down son and let me give you a music lesson," Beethoven said in a serious no-nonsense tone. Reid sat down in shock not knowing what the hell was happening.

"Ask Bach, I've got more cock than Smith and Wesson. Never say never? You'll never be forgetting, I've crafted music pieces that will last through out the ages, your music gets you bitches on your facebook pages." Reid stared at him in shock and smiled a bit. _A rap war? Huh? Let's see what he's got. _Reid sat quietly to listen to what else he had to say.

"I'm committing verbal murder in the major third degree, my name is beethoven mother fucker, maybe you've heard of me?" Reid shook his head no with an evil smile.

"Not the saint bernard version, I'm the real OG! You wanna trade blows? You can't even hit puberty!" With this Reid stood up in anger, pissed off at what he just said to him.

"Hi, My name is Dr. Spencer Reid." Reid said quickly with a hint of anger. He was going to continue with his part but Beethoven interrupted him.

"I would smack you, but in Germany we don't hit little girls." He said as he raised his hand and looked him up and down. Reid death glared at him.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? I don't seem to understand, you raised your hand. But it's gotten a bit loud! I can't hear you over the crowd! Or maybe it's something to do with the music! I'm about to loose it! I'VE GONE DEAF! You should have changed the soprano clef! Maybe you would hear the words I'm spilling out to you! Since now sign language is the only thing you can do!" Reid said this in an extremely fast manor, a bit faster than his normal rambling. It came out harsh and clear.

"I'm glad I'm deaf so I can't hear that piece of shit my world! There's a crowd of millions waiting to hear my symphonies! You want to be a little white usher, GO SHOW THEM TO THEIR SEATS!" Beethoven yelled in anger as Reid smiled.

"I never said that's what I wanted to be, you see? You can't hear what comes out of me, you should have thought of what to be. What ever comes first, for better or worse. I can beat your with every verse. I spit these rhymes in a straight line, stronger than my jaw line. You are now beat, you should have not chosen me. Next time go after a baby, maybe you would win line two. Fuck this shit, I'm through versing you!" With that Reid shoved Beethoven out of his front door. Happy with his victory. Completely proud of himself, he just beat his idol!

Reid did his normal routine and went to bed, no nightmares, no coffee before bed. Just plain happy and glad that he was able to beat him. A wonderful end to a hard day.

**Yeah, so I guess some lines came out of eminem for Reid's last part. But I do a bit of rapping my self so I had to do this. :P**


	8. That was Random

Everyone was working quietly in the bullpen. Reid was sitting there listening to some rapping, Morgan could hear the rapping coming off of his Ipod. It sounded like Reid rapping. He ignored it and finally called himself crazy and went back to messaging his sister and pretending to work. Emily was going through the latest new song artists. While Rossi was in his office, having a well deserved nap. It was about three in the after noon when they could hear yelling from hotches office. It wasn't yelling it was cheering, Hotch ran out of the office with a bag of peanuts in his hand. Jumping for joy with the biggest smile ever on his face.

"I FOUND PEANUTS! WOOOOHOOOOO!" Hotch yelled as he ran out of the bullpen. Everyone watched him, as Reid pulled one of his head phones out of his ear.

"That was random." Morgan said, everyone nodded in agreement.

~CM~

At around 5pm Emily looked up at Reid, with a huge amount of confusion written on her face. She kept looking from her computer screen to Reid. Morgan saw this and was confused as well, what was she so confused about?

"What's wrong Em?" Morgan asked.

"I... R... What?!" Was all Emily could say.

Reid saw this and slowly turned to face Emily, he too was confused on what was happening so he asked as well.

"What's wrong?" Reid asked in confusion.

"Y-y... what?!" Emily yelled.

"That's it I'm coming to see this." Morgan said as he got up and headed to Emily's computer. Reid followed as he turned off his Ipod.

What they saw shocked everyone, including Reid. There staring back up at them, was a music video of Reid rapping against Beethoven.

"Whoa, Reid... you can rap?" Morgan asked nudging his little bro.

"We- Yeah.. but.." Reid hesitated to say.

Hotch walked back into the room serious, he seemed mad and annoyed.

"Don't make me snap my fingers in a swastika formation  
exorcist head rotation  
Snap your neck...  
I just killed you...

ALL HAIL HITLER!" Hotch then ran into his office and hid underneath his desk eating his peanuts... the end...


	9. The Team At a Bar with Reid's Friend

The team sat in the bar, the music blaring, cups clinking and crashing. It all made Reid more nervous. This was his first time bringing his friend along with the team, and he was nervous about how they'd be percieved. Spencer's leg kept shaking up and down and he kept glancing at his phone ever few seconds to see if there was any indication as to when they'd be here.

"Woah, Reid...Chill out man! Why are you so nervous?" Morgan asked, an eyebrow quirking up in expectation. He took a swig of his drink and waited for spencer to answer.

"Nervous?! NERVOUS?!...I'm not nervous...Why would I be nervous? I'm as calm as that flower!" he shook his head and glanced at the door.

"You're not the best at lying Reid, and we can tell when you're nervous...You look exactly like you do right now." Hotch pointed out, and took a drink of his. He then got up and walked to a lady sitting alone on a stool near them. Grabbing a stool Hotch placed it near her then stood on it bending over so his butt was in her face. He let out a huge fart then calmly and cooly walked away from her as she swore at him and chucked drinks at him.

Reid sighed in defeat and ran a hand through his hair. "It's just that Albert-" he was suddenly cut off when a hand smaked him on the back of the head.

"Ow! MY PRECIOUS HEAD! MY HEAD IN WHICH I THINK IN! MY ONLY PLACE WHERE I FEEL SAFE! FUCK THIS TEAM! THIS IS MY HEAD WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!" he shouted and turned around, coming face to face with a short girl glaring at him.

"How many times have I told you NOT to call me that!?" she practically shouted in his face.

Reid's face broke out into a huge grin and he jumped down from the stool. Then jumped back up then back down, he continued this process before he finally fell onto the floor dumping three drinks on him and screaming out something about chewbacca.

"Everyone, this is my best friend, Albert!" he claimed proudly, as he stood up and flipped someone off. The short girl glared at him and punched him in the arm. Reid grinned cheekily at her and sat back in his seat. He turned to Morgan and stuck his tongue out at him before turning back to the guy, girl... thing.

"You're such a shit, you know that Spencer?" she huffed and turned to face the team.

"Hi, I'm Alice! NOT Albert!" she said sweetly and at the end glared at Reid again. He pretened not to notice and went on sippping his drink as if nothing happened.

The team was staring open mouthed at the girl, Alice, before them. She was extremley short, with chocolate brown hair that fell to her waist in soft curls. Her bangs were swept to one side and were kept in place by a sparkling blue clip. She had shocking emerald green eyes, and red, full lips on her angel-like face. Her smile was soft, and you could see the little dipples she had on each cheek. She was dressed in a lacy white tank top and a waist high sparkly blue skirt that left little to the imagination.

Alice, still smiling, shuffled her way and pulled a chair up close to Spencer. She leaned over and whispered in his ear. "What are they all staring at?"

Reid laughed and brushed a piece of hair behind Alice's ear. "It might have something to do with when they told me to invite you, they automatically assumed you were a man. They're surprised that I even have a friend. And a woman none the less. I tend to just go home and cry myself to sleep as I imagine I'm talking to someone..." he sipped his drink again.

"Well they wouldn't think I was a man if you didn't call me that ridiculous name!" her eyes narrowed at him and Reid only smiled more. He stood up and walked into the middle of the dance floor. Laid on the ground in a very serious manor, telling everyone to move because this was a serious FBI matter. He proceeded to make snow angels with a very serious expression. After about five minutes he stood back up and walked back to the guy/girl and continued the conversation as if nothing happened.

"Awh, but you love it." he cooed and poked her in the cheek, then slapped her and squeezed her nose extremely hard. "Suck it up bitch." Reid sneered as he chugged the rest of his drink and ordered another round.

Alice's nose scrunched up and her eyes softened. "You know I do, Spency." she cooed right back at him and kissed his cheek, then burst into a fit of giggles. Reid joined her and soon enough they were both hugging each other, completley forgetting about the rest of the team.

The BAU team blinked in surprise, but JJ was the first one to break out of her reverie. She smiled at the two and sipped her drink. "So, how did you two meet?" JJ raised her glass and made a very creepy glare at them then licked her lips and picked her nose. Wiping the booger into someone else's drink when they weren't looking.

The rest of the team finally joined JJ and they were all grinning widely, buldged out eyes, and buck tooth teeth at Alice and Reid.

Alice turned her head and folded her hands together on the table. She let out a huge fart and sighed from all of her effort she made to produce such a horrible making.

**I hope you guys liked that! :D**


	10. JJ is not confidential

**So this is from a story that I was reading, all the wonderful main ideas to the rightful owner.**

"Okay, so we take him to another hospital." Hotch suggested as he headed for their vehicles.

"Not a good idea. Most doctors won't be able to resist the temptation to study Reid. After all, turning back time is a multimillion dollarbusiness." Rossi pointed out.

Hotch opened the back door of the black truck and carefully sat Reid on the seat, mulling over their options. Taking the blanket Morgan had retrieved from the trunk, he wrapped it around the toddler and then turned back to the others. "Alright, here's what we'll do. We'll keep it quiet for now. I'll take Reid to the hotel before anyone sees him like this. You three stay here and finish searching the premises. See if you can find an antidote for the poison or whatever Wasden's using. Just be careful. There's no telling what other kinds of traps he has lying in wait for us." The BAU leader warned as he fastened the seat belt around the youngest agent. "If the police ask, tell them the smoke caused Reid to have an asthma attack and that I took him back to the hotel. That should explain our leaving and any absences at the police station for a few days at least. Hopefully this will wear off before anyone gets suspicious."

"What are we going to do in the meantime? Reid can't go around dressed in an over sized shirt and nothing else." Prentiss pointed out.

"I'll call JJ. She can pick up some things for him and bring them to the hotel." Hotch replied. Pulling out his cell phone, he walked a short distance from the others and punched in JJ's number. "JJ, are you alone?"

"Just a minute" JJ whispered into her phone. After glancing around, she started screaming about a fire and ran across the main room of the police station and into the interrogation room they had been using as their headquarters. She repeatedly opened and closed the door screaming bloody murder before finally slamming it shut as hard as she could, scanned the area outside the room for potential problems, and then turned her attention back to her boss. "Okay, it's safe to talk now."

"JJ, I hate you so much right now we have to keep things quiet! REID TURNED INTO A LITTLE KID! Now I have to care for his sorry ass! Stupid, mother fucker." Hotch informed the media liaison.

* * *

**Here's another part:**

Pinching the bridge of his nose, Hotch sighed. "Fine, here" he conceded, handing the bag to the toddler. "Go in the bathroom and change. JJ and I will wait here."

"Thanks" Spencer said. Taking the bag from his boss, the boy toddled across the room, tripping numerous times. His feet didn't change size, now imagine a 2 year old with size 10 feet. Fucking disgusting right? Anyways, he basically trips across the living room, disappearing into the bathroom. Never to return again.

"Hotch, do you think…" JJ stopped as the other agent put a finger to his mouth. A few seconds later she heard a squeaked, "What?" just before something colorful flew out of the bathroom.

Spencer's head popped around the corner. "I am not weawing diapews!" he shouted, throwing daggers at the hotch with almost amazing accuracy.

"Reid you're a fucking psycho! AND! They're not diapers, Reid. They're pull-ups." Hotch corrected as he retrieved the tossed clothing and handed it back to the cross toddler. "And you are wearing them. You don't have a choice. They're the only kind of underwear made in your size besides diapers. Now you can either put them on yourself or I'll come in there and put them on you."

"You, you wouldn't" the young genius stammered.


	11. Reid's Pregnant

**This is from another story of Reid being pregnant once again I got bored and edited it, all rightful idea to the main owner. It really was a great story, here's my version bits.:**

The group chatted about things outside of work until the food came. Once Reid's food was placed in front of him the team watched bemusedly as he dug in. He was stuffing food in his face when he got a funny feeling that he was being watched. He looked up to see the team watching him with looks of horror and laughter on their faces.

"Reid, slow down before you choke or something," JJ cautioned.

"I'm sorry. I'm just so hungry and I don't know why. Probably because I didn't eat much this morning."

Suddenly he got that queasy feeling again and excused himself and rushed to the bathroom to throw up his lunch. He was still hovering over the toilet seat when Rossi entered the bathroom.

"Hey, kid, you alright?"

This pissed Reid off. He stood up, wiped his mouth, and glared at Rossi.

"I'm fine. Quit asking me if I'm alright. I'm a big boy. Just like Franklin I can tie my shoes and count by twos!"

"Yeah well you seemed to have eaten too much."

"Yeah well that ain't none of your concern so back off! BACK OFF! AHHHHH I'M FALLING COME CLOSER! No, I'm kidding I just farted, so you really should back off" Reid said stalking out the bathroom leaving Rossi to wonder, His eyes widened as the smell of reids fart came full force. It was now Rossi's turn to hurl up his lunch. _what is wrong with him. How could anyone produce such a wretched smell?!_

~CM~

After lunch, the team headed back to the office and pretty much lounged around. Hotch skipped merrily to his office to finish up some paperwork, Rossi headed to the washroom to throw up some more, reids fart seemed to be following him. Garcia headed to her office to call Kevin while JJ and Prentiss talked about their weekends. Reid headed toward his desk and pulled out his files. Morgan hung around his desk. Singing some song by madonna

"If you've come to ask if I'm alright then you should just go, I farted again."

"Pretty Boy, I'm just worried about you."

Reid just shook his head and pulled out a folder of pictures. One of the pictures caught his eye and he immediately started tearing up. Morgan looked shocked. Reid never cried over some pictures. He was now, more than ever, convinced that something was wrong with Reid.

"Reid?"

"Back off, Morgan! It really stinks over here!"

"Look, kid-"

"Just because you're older than me doesn't mean I am a kid! I hate it when you call me that so don't. I can COUNT BY TWO'S! AND TIE MY FUCKING SHOES!" Reid yelled as loud as he possibly could.

"Reid!"

Reid looked up and saw Hotch staring at him. With a cowboy hat on his head and a whip in his hand, leaving everyone staring at him in shock.

"What? You butt face!""

Morgan looked at Reid. _Did he just sneer at Hotch? Did he actually say what to him? Oh man, Reid baby what is the matter with you?_

"My office. Now."

Reid nodded and stood up. He stomped to Hotch's office. Yelling and screaming then crying, after that five seconds he stopped infront of Hotchs door and yelled about something in Kenetikut.

"Reid, what is the matter with you? You've been snapping at the team and that's not like you."

"I don't know."

"Look, I understand that these last few weeks have been hard on you. So why don't you go home, get some rest and see how you feel in the morning?"

"Hotch; please don't kick me of the team? Please?" Reid said tearing up. A small fart could be heard launching out of Reid's butt.

Hotch was confused, and disguested. First Reid is angry, now he's crying? God what is happening to our teammate? "I'm not getting rid of you, Reid. I am just getting rid of you. Because you farted in my office."

Reid nodded, "I curse you! Like I did to Rossi! My fart shall follow you EVERY WHERE!"


	12. Grow Up Strauss

It was a normal somber morning in the BAU. The sun was shining through all the windows. Reid twirled in his chair laughing merrily as he showed off his cup of coffee. Morgan skipped around the bullpen singing 'Good Morning'. Prentiss was handing coffees out to everyone with a weird greeting of "Hello!". She was giving the people the coffee when they would walk into the bathroom, to see her on the toilet with a stench un-bearable to all. Rossi walked around telling people how nice it is for sun to be in the office. It was a party in the Bullpen, a party full of sunshine and happiness. Hotch was even having some fun, he sat in everyone's desk imitating them, they couldn't say anything back. Or else they were threatened to suspension.

Strauss's office didn't have any sunshine coming through. It never did, her cold, black, ugly, gross, disgusting, maniacal, heart wouldn't allow it. She felt the need to make sure everything was in order around the building. As she walked around the halls, it didn't look graceful her walk was twitched and demonic. As she walked into the elevator she could hear joy coming from one of the floors, determined to stop this she went to that floor. When the doors opened, little to behold. Everyone was running back to their desks. Some were screaming bloody murder, scared that they would be killed by this demonic animal. Screams of people being trampled in their desperate attempt in getting away from Strauss could be heard. Ignoring all of this Strauss headed straight into the bullpen. Everyone was in their seats as should be, she kept her way to Hotch's office. Everyone was staring at her from the corner of their eye. Reid was devising a plan to do to her on her way out of the bullpen. Prentiss was planning on giving her nail polish so then she would have SOME colour. Rossi, well, he has his ways. Morgan just wanted her out of his sight as fast as possible, Garcia stayed hidden in her lair. JJ was still not a work today, probably some Will problems; should have gone with Reid.

Three knocks allowed her into Hotch's office, after a 15 minute conversation she headed back out. Now Strauss was getting tired of everyone staring at her. Unknowingly she stopped in the middle of her heading out of the bullpen.

"STOP STARING AT ME!" She yelled as she stomped her foot.

"Fuck off, heh, haha, hahahahaha" Was all Reid replied.

"Age-" Strauss began but was only to be interrupted.

"It's Doctor. Can you say that? Doc. Tor. That's spelt D-O-C-T-O-R." Reid smiled at her as he relaxed back in his chair.

"Go away you poo poo head!" Morgan yelled, knowing she can't retort with out losing her job.

"AND PUT SOME NAIL POLISH ON!" Prentiss added in.

Strauss looked around as people yelled insults at her from all angles, every inch of the room. How she really regretted stopping in her tracks.

"STOP FUCKING ROSSI!" Hotch yelled from his office, now Rossi came out staring at everyone in shock.

"Strauss... what the fuck did you do?" Rossi said calmly as Reid was making a catapult filled with paint.

"They were all staring at me." Strauss replied plainly. "I wanted them to stop." She added.

"Shut up." Prentiss interrupted.

"FIIIIIIIRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEE !" Reid yelled as he launched the catapult splashing paint all over Strauss. She stood there in shock of what just happened, not knowing what to say. Everyone burst out in laughter, it looked as if shit was thrown at her.

With a hmph, she ran out of the office. Leaving everyone laughing with tears, the party continued once again and everyone was having a blast.

THE END!

For this story that is :)

"Hotch I don't get it, how does that have anything to do with the story?"

"Shut up Reid."


	13. Result of trying to interview Hotch&Reid

**This is a study on the agents of the BAU to see their thoughts on everything.**

**Int: = Interviewer:**

**Lets get started now, shall we?**

* * *

**Int: **Hello Agent Hotchner, glad you could make it to this interview.

** : **Will this take a lot of time? I have cases to look through, and paper work to do.

**Int:** Uhhhm, I'M the one doing the interview here. Now shut up and answer my questions.

** :** _Glares at angrily_

**Int: **So, Agent, Hot...ch...ner... uhmm, what is your thought on Hitler?

** :** What are you talking about? This has n-

**Int: **I'M ASKING THE QUESTIONS HERE!

** :** I'm just wond-

**Int: **DON'T QUESTION ME CITIZEN!

** :** I just ne-

**Int: **This interview is over.

* * *

**Int: **Hello there Age-

** :** It's Doctor.

**Int: **That's awesome. So, Doctor. What do you think about the color blue? What meaning does it mean to you? Either Sadness, happiness, anger, desperation?

** : **_Sits in silence for about 5 minutes_

_****_**Int:** Well?

** :** It's... just... a ... FUCKING COLOR! _Flips table and storms out of room_

__**Int: **Well them Mr. Angry pants.


	14. JJ and Her Sadness

**YES! This is from another story that I was reading, I got bored and ended up doing this. I am BACK! I am REALLY loving all of the reviews! They make me so INSPIRED! But I may disappear for a while due to school. So sad, I know. I'll try my best to spam stories! Toots!**

Morgan knocked on her door and poked his head in. "Okay if I come in?" The big man asked.

"Of course, always." JJ made a show of shuffling some papers around and quickly wiped her eyes again, hoping he wouldn't notice.

"JJ, I'm just checking in here. I noticed you didn't say a word in the car, and you've been holed up in here since we got back. You okay?" He asked.

She held up a George Clooney mask infront of her face and said, "Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

She started making farting noises and whale noises. Morgan touched her arm and she looked up at him, annoyed.

"What the heck man! Is this all because Reid has a new girl in his life? I know you and him are... I mean..._WERE_ close. It just seems like that back there at the hospital kind of threw you," he said, honestly.

JJ started drawing 'I HATE STRAUSS' all over her paper work, and said "Well I'm worried about him, Morgan. Aren't we all? That horse gave him two broken bones! Horse.. horse HORSE! HORSE PENIS!"

"JJ that's not what I mean and you know it. The girlfriend," he said.

**_ Sorry it's so short! MORE SOON!_**


	15. Trolling The Public

Reid walked down the street in a calm manor, not really knowing why he was outside today. Although, he did need to get milk. With this in mind he headed off to his local store and got in.

"I don't know who you are, but I have to ask you something serious!" A young man yelled at him as he entered the store. He looked to be about 16 years old with a girl that also appeared to be 16 years old stood by him with a Hotch like stare.

"Yes?" Was all he managed to say, a little more nervous than it should have been.

"Excuse me sir," The girl began but the boy glanced at her and she shut her trap. _Ha! Stupid bitch!_ Reid thought as the girl shy'd away.

"Excuse me sir," The boy began. "Have you ever had... well, I don't know how to really ask this." He slowly looked back up at him, with a Hotch like glare as well. _How, how are these people able to glare like Hotch? Does he give out 'glare' classes now? _Reid pondered as the boy still stared. "Have you ever had explosive diarrhea? Because if you have. I know how you feel." The boy reached up and rested his hand on Reid's shoulder. "I know how it is, to never know when you might shit yourself. For the past week, I have been having the weirdest experiences ever."

"I uhh..."

"On Monday, I walked into the bathroom. It was as if my ass... my ass was a volcano." He was so serious. Not ever a hint of laughter. _Was this kid serious? Was he seriously asking him for help? _"It... it just spewed out of my ass. Non-stop for almost an hour. After awhile it was just BLOOD! BLOOD MAN! BLOOD!" He began to yell.

"IT'S TRUE I SAW IT!" The girl ran up and yelled.

"She did, she was there and heard my screams of agony." The young man lowered his head then looked back up. "There was corn." He said in a low whisper.

"What?" Reid asked, concerned and confused.

"THERE WAS CORN!" The boy yelled. "I DON'T EAT CORN MAN!" A tear slid down his face. "I can't control it... it happens at any second. I never know when it's going to come, I can't always be on guard! Help me man! HE-" The boy froze in place, his eyes going wide in shock. "OMG! WHERE IS A REST ROOM?!" He yelled and began shuffling his way around the store.

Reid had absolutely no idea what to do, although he was in the FBI. They never taught you about how to deal with a emotionally distraught person with explosive diarrhea. What was he to do? How would he even address this to... to ANYONE?! In a wave of nervousness he walked towards the boy. Who was now walking out of the store, but at a normal pace. The girl glanced back and screamed.

"NO! I DON'T LIKE IT IN YOUR BASEMENT!" She booked it out of the store with the boy right behind her.

"What the HECK?!" Reid yelled as he stopped in his tracks pissed off.

"You have just been played as a fool." An anonymous voice spoke. "Heh." He laughed. Reid slowly turned around to see the clerk walking back to his post.

"What?" Reid asked confused.

"Oh, they are the local trolls here. They sort of knew you were FBI and couldn't resist. Sorry man, word came out in the news paper. You may be their target for up to a month." He then began to help another costumer and laughed.

**~~~~~~~~TROLOLOL~~~~~~~~~**

****Reid was walking through the mall with his jug of milk and some snacks. Boy, did he love his oreo cookies with his milk! Also, with some hot chocolate. A new tin of coffee and some more sugar. He was happy and the ordeal from inside the store was completely forgotten about. As Reid walked he got lost in his thoughts, not noticing the two trolls from before slowly pick him out of the crowd and devise a plan from behind him.

"Come on! HUSTLE! HUSTLE!" Someone yelled aloud which jostled Reid out of his thoughts.

"I FUCKING HATE SLOW PEOPLE!" A girls voice yelled.

"I do too! But hey, we can help speed them along. COME ON! MOVE IT! FASTER! THAT'S IT! I don't CARE if you JOG! JUST MOVE!" A boy yelled as he clapped his hands.

It wasn't until now that Reid saw the two trolls from before walking slow as hell in front of him, telling others to move faster. Complaining that _OTHERS_ were slower than them and that they were fast. _What the heck was their problem? Oh yeah... they are the town trolls. Well, maybe I can join in as well. _Reid thought with an evil grin behind them. Then with all the courage he could muster he yelled. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT OF MY BASEMENT?! I TOLD YOU THE RULES! WHY DID YOU BREAK THEM?! THINK YOU CAN BREAK THE RULES WITH OUT CONSEQUENCES?" The two spun around the girl with a look of shock then a sly look and then one of playful fear.

"NO! I- MASTER! I... I... You... I..." She stammered as the boy just watched.

"SILENCE!" Reid yelled. "You disobeyed me! NOW YOU MUST PAY!" With that Reid grabbed the girl by the arm and stormed through the mall. To his surprise people were staring in shock, but it was more funny to him. He was finding it hard to keep a straight face. He knew it was all a big hoax, yet these people didn't. They totally believed what was happening was real. _My god! I can't believe people can be SO stupid! _Reid thought with an inner smirk.

"I'M SORRY MASTER! I SWEAR! I WILL NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!" The girl yelled as she glanced around the mall.

"What did I say to you about speaking wh-" Reid was cut of in mid lecture, by a voice he knew all to well. A voice, that could cost him EVERYTHING.

"REID! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" Hotch yelled from across the mall.

"Who are you to question me?!" Reid said, now wanting to continue his fun little game.

"Your boss that's who! What are you doing to that girl?!" He glanced at her and she had a look of horror on her face.

"She must be punished, she escaped my basement. Well left, but WITHOUT permission." Reid replied as he glared at the girl, in that eye contact they were able to reassure one another that this was all still a big game.

"LOOK AT HER! SHE'S SCARED SHITLESS!" Hotch yelled. There was now a crowd around them and the boy was recording this all.

"SHUT UP COWBOY! OR I'LL LOCK YOU UP TOO!" With that, Reid turned around and stormed away. The girl still 'pleading' to be let go. The boy still following while recording and Hotch, yelling at him.

"IT'S COWMAN! NOW BRING HER BACK HERE! OR I'LL WRITE YOU UP! REID! REEIIDD! I SAID GET BACK HERE! RIGHT NOW! YOU ARE IN HUGE TROUBLE!" Hotch's yelling faded as Reid got further and further away from him. After some time, they were behind the mall.

"Daaaamn! I didn't know you like to troll the public as well!" The girl said while laughing.

"I thought it would be fun to do that, I just hope I don't get fired." Reid said while laughing.

"If you do, you can join us. We get paid to do this, want 50 percent for this gig?" She asked with a huge smile.

That money would go straight to his mom, and he was running low on cash right now. This could become a part time thing, it was a WHOLE lot of fun. He was good at this, and no one would suspect a thing. "Okay, I have decided I would do this part time, when ever I'm in town. How does that sound?" Reid asked with a smile.

"TERRIFIC!" The boy yelled.

"Off for coffee, to discuss and tell the other trolls." The girl said.

With that they headed off into the sunset, texting the other trolls of their newest member. Uploading the newest video, and separating the money. With all of this, he knew he just made the best decision of his life.

**BEFORE YOU ASK! Yes me and my friend DO, DO THIS! We absolutely DO go around and walk slowly infront of people and yell about how much we hate slow people. WE DO talk about explosive diarrhea to random people. All of this is true, minus spencer reid. Hope you all like this! **


	16. Spencer Hates the new girl

_B.A.U., Behavioral Analysis Unit_

_Quantico, Virginia_

Spencer's POV

A girl came crashing in. _Crashing. Can you believe that!? Stupid bitch is late, and actually comes CRASHING in here. I hate her already. Just who is she?! Who IS this stupid chick, that thinks she can just come running through the BAU and destroy everything in her path!_

"I see you're still clumsy as ever!" Gideon smiled as he stood up to hug her?! _WHAT THE FUCK MAN! _

I am completely confused.. and I don't like being confused. I HATE it! Everyone knows that, this bitch will pay!

_How come I never knew her? I mean even though I worked under Gideon's wing for a long time. That pedophilic bastard! I hate him now!_

"Uncle Jay!" she screamed with her British accent, hurting my ears. I just wanted to punch that hoe in the face. These ears are WAY more important then her. Than this pathetic bitch in front of me!

"I missed you so!" Gideon smiled as her hug on him tightened. It looked as if she was hugging him so tight, his eyes actually started to pop out. It was disgusting as fuck. I had to look away, since I was on the verge of throwing up.

"I missed you too little Georgie." He replied as they started to sway back and forth. Watching them do this was pissing me off, after about 32 sways they stopped. After 32 sways I wanted to scream, after 32 sways I was reaching for my gun, after 32 sways Morgan saved both of their lives.

"Wait, Gideon, are we missing something?" Morgan asked in a confused tone. Although you could see that he clearly didn't care, HE WASN'T EVEN FACING THEM! He had his back turned when he asked Gideon that. Who the fuck does that?! Why is he talking to the fucking wall?! I'm starting to hate him now!

"George here is my niece. And Mark Wilson is my step brother." Gideon answered still smiling. I guess he really missed 'Little Georgie' here. I fucking hate her. Stupid black hair, black as coal. With her green eyes.

"WE ALREADY HAVE PRENTISS, WE DON'T NEED A REPLICA YOU CRAZY BITCH!" I shouted, but no one paid any attention.

"Anyway, why don't you introduce yourself to the family?" Emily asked. Happy that there was a new comer and that she looked like a kid too.

"Too bad she doesn't look like you from high school huh prentiss? This stupid bitch here deserves to look like you back then. Ugly ass BIIIIIIIIIIIITCH!" I said in a clearly pissed off tone. Everyone looked at me and I looked down. "Introduce yourself you crazy bitch!" I yelled as I shook her where she stood. She just looked at me as I sat back down in my seat.

"O-oh, I-I of c-course! I'm sorry about earlier though. My name is George or Georgie Jane Wilson. I used to live in London until I was 9 years old thats why my accent stuck-"

"Hate your accent, by the way." I interrupted. But stupid bitch kept talking.

"then we moved to LA. I studied at a local school and graduated in UCLA at the age of 12."

"WOW! That's just like me! Go copy someone else's life line!" I yelled in the middle of her talking. "Were you bullied as well?!" I added.

"I wasn't bullied or anything though, because of my father and my uncle here." She nodded to Gideon "I have BS's in Criminology and Pschyology and PhD's in Medicine and Mathematics. So, that basically sums it up." She smiled a goofy smile and I just can't help but stare. I mean, _how can she be a genius? How can this WHORE! Be a genius?!_ I hate her so much.

"How about any boyfriends in the past? Any exes?" Penelope suddenly asked who was now leaning on the door frame. She looked at me and then back at her. _What was she planning now? Did she want me to date this stupid whore? No, way. Not in ANY life time!_

"W-well, l-like I said, I have FBI agents for a father and an uncle so, none actually."

"Oh my! Did you hear that Reid?" JJ asked now. Looking excited and happy. I looked at the guys, they all had the same expression. Even Gideon and Hotchner! **I HATE ALL OF** THEM** NOW!**

"Of course I heard her JJ. I'm not deaf. Do I look like I'm deaf?! DO I NEED A CANE NOW TOO?! AM I ALL OF A SUDDEN OLD AS FUCK?! FUCK YOOOOU! YOU BLONDE BITCH!" I yelled at her as she just stared at me. I tried to glare at her, but then realized it looked as if I was shitting my pants. So I just stopped what I was doing and sighed. After I sighed, I realised it might have actually seemed like I really did shit myself. In anger, and some embarrassment I stared at the table.

"How about you Reid?" JJ looked at me "Did you had any girlfriends?!" _What was she getting at?_

"No! Why? Trying to match me up with that ugly bitch. NOT HAPPENING! HA! FUCKING HA!" I said in a major sarcastic tone, everyone didn't even notice. They continued on their stupid conversation.

"Oh! They are so cuute!" Penelope cooed at us like we were a bunch of babies.

I looked at George who looked confused like me.

"Don't mimic my confusion, BITCH!" I said to her, with a low glare.

"Congratulations pretty boy." Morgan smirked

"Anyways! It was nice to meet you sweetie." Penelope went to George and hugged her. After that, she left.

George was then hugged by Emily and JJ. She then shook hands with Morgan and Hotch.

Then it was me. This. This bitch touched me. This stupid ugly bitch, touched me! SHE TRIED TO RAPE ME! I shoved her away and nearly puked in disgust.

"Go get her tiger." Morgan whispered to me befor he left with the others. "By the way you guys, we have a case about a bomber in Seattle so hurry up and get it over or something." He finished with a smirk on his face. What an ass. He's always trying to make me date people, but never notices. THEY ARE UGLY AS FUCK! Or... did he notice? With this in thought I pulled out my gun, just because. Because I can.

We shook hands and I wanted to chop my fucking hand off. "I hate you so much, don't you ever touch me AGAIN!" I said in a low tone.

"Uhm Doctor? Are you okay?" She asked as she stared at me. So I stared back at her, we were staring at each other for the longest time. "You okay?" She repeated. This. Th- Well now I had my fun pointed at her.

"I hate you. Don't touch me, don't talk to me. DON'T LOOK AT ME! AND DON'T SLAP MY ASS! I HATE YOU! HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU! I WANT TO KILL YOU!" I yelled. I could see everyone watching from the corner of my eye. "I just, I just hate you. You aren't smart. You are a faker. I know it. Go die. Want to go out? I'm fucking with you. Now get out, NO! I leave first. Women first. You ugly bitch." I said. Then put a hand on my hip, and walked out of the room with the gun in its holster. I didn't actually walk. I did more of a cat walk out, swaying my hips wrecklessly side to side. "BITCH!" I yelled out loud as I was entering the bullpen. "I'M FABULOUS!" With that, I was at my desk. I sat down and sighed. "AND YOU'RE AN UGLY WHORRRE!" I yelled then started to put things in my go bag. This bitch will quit sooner or later. I will be here, so I win.


	17. JJ has a stalker

**Monday - EVERYONE HATES THE FIRST DAY OF THE WEEK, AND EVERYONE HATES YOU!**

JJ walked into her office, setting down her go bag in the chair before switching on the light. She was surprised to see a vase with six Hydrangeas sitting on her desk. She walked over to her desk looking at the card; it simply said:

"_These were $16 each. You owe me a lot of money. Thanks for everything."_

"Where did the flowers come from?" Alex asked as she walked into JJ's office with the words 'I hate living' written on her forhead.

"I have no idea. But apparently I owe someone money. They aren't getting it, these are MINE! MINE! MINE!" JJ said as she looked at Blake. "I hate you being alive." She whispered under her breath.

"They're not from Will?" Blake asked, as she threw paper around JJ's office.

"He's on a case." JJ told her with a small laugh.

"Maybe some cop or family member you helped out. Since EVERYONE LOVES YOU!" Alex said as she fell to the floor and screamed then stood back up as if nothing happened.

"I guess, it's just kind of weird. I never give anyone money, ever. They must be trying to bribe me..." JJ then kicked her chair down and cried about the chair being hurt before turning back to Blake.

"Come on we have a meeting, I'm going to tell everyone." Alex said getting up.

"I hate meetings." JJ complained as she left her office.

**LALALALALLALA BREAK LALALALALLAALALLALA BECAUSE THEM WALKING TO THE OFFICE IS TOO MUCH TO WRITE! I'M LAZY!**

Conference room. I believe they are in the library...

"Do you want the good news or the bad news?" Hotch asked the team. "Because there is no medium news, because, because, because I like to say because. I'm not a virgin. AND REID IS! HA! Stupid Hippy." Hotch then danced around the office as Reid glared at him in rage.

"Start with the bad." Morgan said interrupting Hotch's fun.

"We all have to get caught up on our paperwork. By 'We all' I mean all of you, because I'm awesome I don't have any. YES REID! YOU HAVE TO CATCH UP ON PAPERWORK! HA! HA! NOOB!" Hotch yelled in Reids face as he threw their work onto the table.

"I swear it multiples every time I turn my back." Rossi mumbled.

"The good news please." JJ grunted, getting annoyed by these guys. Feeling something tickle inside of her nose, she began to pick it. Receiving her prize of a giant booger, and wiping it on Hotch.

"We are on stand down all week and starting Friday we are all on a mandatory week off." Hotch said as he ate JJ's booger. Then winking at her. "You forgot I like boogers." He said with a mischevious smile across his face.

"I can take that." Rossi said as he spun around in his chair. "WEEEEEEE!" He squealed. "I'm a tornado!"

"Me too." Alex added in as she watched Rossi before joining in on the fun.

"I expect the reports to be filled out correctly, if they aren't." Hotch said as he turned around dramatically in the doorway, causing Rossi and Blake to stop spinning. "I'll take a shit on your desk." Hotch said in a low serious tone. He then turned around and made the motion of him being on a mortocycle, making motor noises and then running down the catwalk. "I'M SO FAST!" Hotch yelled before he smacked into his office door, then crying about the boo boo on his knee.

**Tuesday - BECAUSE FINISHING MONDAY IS TOO MAINSTREAM!**

JJ came into her office and set her bag down, she went to get coffee before turning her light on, much to the person hiding behind her desk's relief. [These are called stalkers, they like to stalk you, rape you, then kill you. So keep away from them!] The stalker stood up and hurried out of her office before she could return. She came back in her office, flipping on the light, ready to work but on her desk was a vase with seven multi-color Carnations.

"What is going on?" JJ said to herself as she opened the card.

"_I hope these make you smile, just like Jeff the Killer. I like his smile, yours is too simple. Oh, can you NOT leave the toilet seat up next time? Thanks. Prick. LOVE YOU! I'm kidding, you still owe me my money."_

At this point JJ wasn't sure what was going on but she thought maybe some of her team was playing a trick on her. They always did that, but why would they do that now? Didn't they know she cried all the time because she couldn't use the washroom with the toilet seat up? They must hate her. Oh well.

"Hey." Garcia said, smiling as she stood in the door way.

"Hey." JJ said turning to look at her.

"Those are pretty." Garcia said to JJ looking at the flowers. "I want them, GIVE THEM TO ME!"

"Yeah, they are. Also, you can't have them unless you pay me ONE BILLION MILLION TRILLION ZILLION GILLION YILLION BIG AMOUNT OF NUMBERS INSERTED HERE! Money." JJ said as she shook the flowers in her other hand.

"Did Will get in trouble?" Garcia asked with a laugh.

"No, he's on a case. I don't know who they are from." JJ explained once again.

"What did the card say?" Garcia said looking confused.

JJ handed her the card.

"Yesterday, I had Hydrangeas and the card said These were $16 each. You owe me a lot of money. Thanks for everything." She explained further. Then drank half of her coffee in one gulp. "Gulp!" JJ yelled as she set her mug back onto her desk.

"Gumdrop it sounds like you have a secret admirer." Garcia, said loving the idea. "OR BETTER YET!" Garcia exclaimed, "A STALKER!"

"I'm sure my husband would love that." JJ said laughing.

"Good thing he's not the jealous type." Garcia pointed out then pointed at JJ and yelled "JEALOUS! HE! JEALOUS! TYPE! JEALOUS! NOT!"

"Right. We should get to work." JJ said sitting down at her desk.

"You are right. Let's do lunch." Garcia said before walking out.

"Sounds like a plan. A plan to not do! A PLAN THAT I HATE! Bye!" JJ yelled after her.

**Wednesday, because it's just another day. LET'S CHANGE IT TO Thurgasday. I don't know, JUST READ!**

JJ walked into her office, flipping on her light before going to get her morning coffee; she was almost relieved to find no flowers sitting on her desk. She turned to go get her coffee. Yelling loudly about how her stalker was gone, and how she can finally fart fear free.

"Morning JJ." Spencer said as he poured his cup of coffee.

"Morning Spence." JJ replied. Letting out another giant fart.

"How much work you have left?" Reid asked as he covered his nose and tried not to gag.

"I should be completely done Friday afternoon. As long as Hotch doesn't hand any reports back." She told him. "If he does, I'LL shit on his desk." JJ added with a smile. "No, I will. I have to go poo really badly.

"How are the two of you this morning?" Rossi said as he skipped towards the break room with a pink wig on. "I'm a ballerina today." He said with a smile.

"Still half asleep but you are glowing. Who's the lucky women?" JJ said smirking.

"Bella, the only women in my life are on this team. Oh, and I'm being Rossia, the girl version of me." Rossi said in a serious tone.

"If you say so." JJ said laughing.

"I think JJ is right you have been really happy lately." Reid added as he poured SALT into his coffee instead of sugar.

"We are on stand down and then off for a week." Rossi said as he twirled some of his pink hair.

"And you knew about that for months now right." JJ questioned.

"Don't you have paperwork to do?" Rossia said as she... he... stomped his/her foot on the ground and shook his/her bum.

"Yes and I am going to do it now." JJ yelled as she walked away from the men.

**THIS IS ANOTHER BREAK THINGY! LALALALALA! BREAKING! THE CONVERSATION!**

She was surprised when she walked back in her office, to find a vase of nine Orchids sitting on her desk.

"What the hell?" she mumbled as she opened the card.

"_These are not as pretty as you. Oh, yeah. I'm writting, sorry I was looking in the mirror when I wrote that. You still owe me my money. My patience is running thin."_

'Okay, this is getting crazy.' JJ thought to herself and someone on the team, if not all of them, had to know something about it. She just needed to bust them, tomorrow she wasn't leaving her office. Not once, not even if she pissed herself. NEVER! LEAVING! OFFICE!

**Thursday After Thursdays are Fridays, where people do things.**

Before reaching her office she stopped and picked up some coffee, she walked into her office turning on the light, there were no flowers sitting on her desk. So now she just had to stay in her office all day, this way she could bust whoever was leaving her the flowers. A couple hours later, there was a knock at the door.

"Hey JJ, we are going to grab lunch. Do you want to go with us? Promise we won't make you eat poison again." Morgan asked he opened her office door.

"No thanks, I brought lunch with me. It's way better then the healthy stuff." She replied with a smile.

"What's going on you have not been out of this office all day, not even for a bathroom break. So.. I'm assuming that bottle over there is not lemonade?" Morgan asked as he stared at the bottle of piss.

"Nope, it's my piss and I just want to finish this paperwork." JJ said as she grabbed her bottle. "I have to take a piss, get lost." JJ hissed.

"Okay, I'll let you get back to work." Morgan said as he left her office.

He pulled out his phone to text the stalker. [CUE DRAMATIC MUSIC]

"_She said no, better try the next plan. Oh, when you do get in there. IT'S NOT A BOTTLE OF LEMONAIDE!"_

**ANOTHER BREAKY THING BECAUSE I RAN OUT OF IDEAS, BECAUSE I'M THAT DUMB BECASE BECAUSE BECAUSE BECAUS**E.

Three hours later. Or was it two? No, it was three. I'm sure of it.

JJ picked up her office phone as it rang. "Stupid phone." She said as she answered the call.

"Agent Jareau." She answered.

"JJ, its Hotch. Can you please come to my office?" he demanded.

"Is something wrong?" she replied

"I just need to go over a couple of reports." He told her.

JJ thought about it for a minute, she didn't really want to leave her office but could she really tell her boss no. She also wasn't sure if he was being serious or playing a part in the whole flower thing. Flowers. With this thought, JJ's mind drifted off to a picture of a kitten with a flower, then a mouse. Then the kitten ate the mouse and the mouse was all bloody. But the flower was safe, and that's all that mattered.

"JJ?" Hotch yelled as he has spent the last 35 minutes trying to get her attention.

"Yeah, I will be there in a couple of minutes." JJ said as she hung up her phone.

She thought about it, 'maybe if I locked the door then it would help me bust which ever team member was a part of this.' She grabbed her keys and locked the door before walking towards the bullpen, she didn't realize that she was being watched. [Stalkers tend to watch everything you do, so in this case the stalker knows the door is locked. Although you think you would be able to spot someone constantly stalking you. Let's face it, we both know you're too stupid to notice. Moving on now.]

**ANOTHER BREAKY THING, WHICH IS OBVIOUSLY WHEN SHE IS WALKING AND ALL THAT BALDSGAKDFNGIROAGNKALGDNIAOG LETTTTTERRRSSS!**

She walked back towards her office an hour later, she felt silly that she thought Hotch was playing a part in the flower delivery. At her office door she pulled her keys out unlocking the door, when she walked in she stopped looking at the door then back to her desk. On her desk sat another vase with ten pink Tulips. She couldn't believe it, her office door was locked how did the flowers get there, she walked over to the desk opening the card.

"_Rare like you. You're rare, because I'm a stalker, and I'm going to kill you."_

**Friday, no, no Rebbeca Black. That's too mainstream. I prefer Rebecca White. OH TODAY IS A DAY CALLED FRIDAY, WHICH IS THE DAY AT THE END OF THE WEEK. WE LIKE LOGIC!**

JJ didn't know what she was going to come into, she did know that she only had to work half a day, so she was hoping that she could get done before any more flowers were delivered to her. She stopped in the break area grabbing coffee and talking to Alex, Morgan, Spencer and Garcia.

"JJ do you have plans while we are off?" Alex asked.

"Not really, Will called he will be home today but I didn't have a chance to tell him I was off for the next week." She replied.

"Why not?" Morgan

"Henry couldn't wait to tell him about the turtle my mom sent him, then he had to go." She explained.

"Your mom sent him a turtle. What kind of mother does that? HUH?! YOU TRYING TO MIMIC ME?! YOU BITCH!" Spencer yelled in rage as he put pepper into his coffee.

"Why?" Garcia screamed.

"Yes, because he asked her for it. So last night after we got home we received a special delivery." She explained.

"I bet you're thrilled." Alex

"I wasn't but watching his eyes light up, I couldn't help but be happy." JJ told them.

"That's why you rock." Garcia said as she sat on the ground and began to cry.

"I guess, I need to go finish my paperwork." JJ said turning to go to her office.

**BRAEK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK BREAK**

She walked in to her office, seeing no flowers on her desk she sighed in relief. She opened the first file she needed to finish, hoping that she could finish her last two reports and be home before one or two. An hour later her phone vibrated telling her she had message. [No shit sherlock]

"_I am home, I'll pick up the boy and then see you at home. I miss you and I love you. -W"_

"_I can't wait to see you, I should be home before 2. I miss and love you. –J."_

She sighed now she just wanted to go home and be with her boys.

**AWWWWWW HOW LOVELY! WELL I HATE BOYS! jk**


End file.
